Day After

Yes, I am haunted by the years I did not know you, the months I was not at your side, the days I could not feel you. Yes, it is still time that frightens me most. 

Crushed

What does all of that resilience and grace look like now?
Two hands clasped around my throat. 

When you enter my chapel, 
do you mourn as you worship?

Do you worry over all of the time you spent
just outside?

Does it feel like loss to you too?

Same As It Ever Was

But maybe the constant collisions,
maybe all of the bumping up against my own walls
has buffed me, polished me 
into something 
a little less dull

 Picking at the now serrated edge
of a broken nail,
worrying the enamel 

Raking falling strands
from my scalp,
flicking away lengths of dying cells

Asking,
is it selfish
to want all of my days
to be only mine 

 Will I ever be ready for the sun?

Pedaling, in my dreams,
down hallways with no end,
only sharp corners

When I really want to be
face up in a lake,
my peace
taming the monsters below